What the wedding party is actually for
The useful version of a wedding party is a small group of people who each know one specific thing they are responsible for. The unhelpful version is a large group who were chosen for their relationship to you and given no job at all.
| Role | Before the day | On the day |
|---|---|---|
| Maid or matron of honour | Coordinates the other attendants, helps with dress fittings, organises the hen do | Holds the bouquet, manages the dress, knows where the emergency kit is |
| Best man | Organises the stag do, coordinates suits, keeps the rings safe from the night before | Rings, speech, and being reachable by every supplier who cannot find you |
| Bridesmaids and groomsmen | Attend fittings, help with DIY and setup | Ushering, directing guests, moving anything that needs moving |
| Ushers | Learn the seating plan and the layout | Seat guests, hand out orders of service, point people at the toilets |
| Whoever holds the emergency kit | Packs it a week before | Carries it and does not put it in a car that leaves |
| Whoever pays suppliers on the day | Gets the envelopes and the list | Pays the band, the transport and anyone taking cash, so you never touch it |
The two jobs nobody assigns
The point of contact. On the day, suppliers will have questions, and the person they should not be asking is you. Name one person, give their number to every supplier in the final-week email, and tell them they have authority to make small decisions without checking.
The clear-down crew. Somebody has to remove your decor, cards, gifts, leftover cake and the dress you changed out of, usually by midnight, usually while everyone is tired. Ask three people in advance and tell them what it involves. This is the single most common thing that lands on the couple's parents by default.
Costs and who pays
Conventions vary and are worth stating explicitly rather than assuming. Whatever you decide, say it out loud when you ask someone, because a bridesmaid who did not know the dress was hers to buy is a conversation nobody enjoys having in month eight.
| Cost | Commonly paid by |
|---|---|
| Attendant outfits | Split, or the couple if the outfit is chosen for them |
| Hair and makeup for attendants | The couple, if it is required on the day |
| Suit hire | The wearer |
| Travel and accommodation | The attendant |
| Hen and stag costs | The attendees, excluding the guest of honour |
Give each person a written job
The checklist pack has a page for who does what, which is the part that prevents everything landing on one person.
Common questions
What does the wedding party actually do?
The useful version is a small group who each own one specific job — rings, the emergency kit, ushering, supplier questions, on-the-day payments, clear-down. A large party with no assigned jobs helps less than a small one with them.
Who pays for bridesmaid dresses?
It varies, and the important thing is saying which when you ask. If you are choosing the dress, it is more commonly the couple; if the attendant chooses, more commonly them.
Who should be the point of contact on the wedding day?
One named person who is not the couple, whose number goes to every supplier in the final-week email, and who has authority to make small decisions without checking.
Who clears the venue after the wedding?
Someone has to, usually by midnight, and by default it falls on parents. Ask three people in advance and tell them what it involves.